(Spoiler-free, until otherwise indicated.)

Well, let’s get this out of the way first; I’m a massive fan of Kurosawa’s original telling of this story in 1954, The Seven Samurai, and I think the first Magnificent Seven in 1960 is a clinical case study of how to modernize, remake, and refashion a great story for an expanded audience by preserving its potency and seamlessly adding some new qualities that make it a triumph in its own right.

In case you’re unfamiliar with this tale (I’ll reserve judgment), it centers on a rag-tag group of skilled but hapless gunfighters who agree to take on a long-shot mission to protect a poor village of defenseless peasants against a vicious criminal and his army of gunmen.

Upon hearing of this remake, I was beyond excited, for some very specific reasons. These days, remakes are spewing out of the studios like so many bodily secretions, but without the same fulfillment of an actual purpose. BUT, I arrived at the IMDB page of this announced production by scouring the upcoming projects of one Nic Pizzolatto, writer of True Detective: Season 1, one of the most incredibly-written, and virtuosically executed works ever produced. (Let’s not talk about Season 2.)

As the months tick by, I find out that the cast will be lead by Denzel Washington, reunited with director Antoine Fuqua and co-star Ethan Hawke from Training Day, along with Korean superstar Byung-hun Lee, Vincent D’Onofrio, Chris Pratt, the list goes on. Well, needless to say, I was over the moon. Let’s run through the inventory of gear this film was packing to make it great: a fantastic writer, a super-cool director, a killer cast, and a proven concept that had already been pulled off to perfection, twice! Was there finally going to be a movie in the theater that would be worth the price of admission?!

Then that first trailer hit…

I knew right away something wasn’t right. I can tell you the exact moment my dreams were shattered. It was Chris Pratt’s line, “God dangit, I’m good!” Ugh. We all know that one line of dialog, that is deemed to be trailer-worthy, can tell you volumes about a movie. This one belongs in such fare as The Expendables, or some other action romp that substitutes cornball quips for genuine character relationships and organic chemistry.

Aside from that, it looked really, really actiony, which… fair enough… it does all boil down to an epic throw-down between seven gunfighters and an army of bad guys. BUT… the flashy acrobatics and intricate choreography is more reminiscent of John Woo in his heyday, or the latest Fast and/ or Furious installment, than any of the greats in its own genre. (During the movie, it really bothered me that, in this world, it seems to be utterly impossible to re-holster a revolver without twirling it first.) These factors in that first peek were enough to shake my excitement. My expectations dropped through the floor.

So, how about what actually counts: the movie?  Well, surprisingly, it’s nearly the best case scenario…

I say ‘nearly,’ because best-case would’ve been that all that stuff in the trailer was entirely misleading and absent from the final film, leaving a rough and gritty Western about the bonds that form between warriors who have reached the limits of their ethical nihilism and unite for a common moral purpose, along with some stuff about redemption and revenge.

While I didn’t get that, I did enjoy it much more than expected, especially after the trailer and a pretty dismal first impression…

It opens with a display of cruelty by the villain against the town of sheepish innocents, that’s so hackneyed, clichéd and nauseatingly predictable, you could almost act it out right along with them.

But things look up after that and it plays out quite as expected. It’s a fun, action-packed ride with many enjoyable and satisfying moments, some low points that are nearly cringe-worthy, and not a lot of depth.

And that brings us to the real problem with the piece. This is where the original(s) truly shined, and what really left me wanting with this one: I didn’t get to know the Magnificent Seven.

This is a group of extraordinary men whose characters are defined by the decision, by each of them, to throw off a carefree frontier life and commit to a suicide mission. Why would they do that? What would change their minds? These questions are the real reason to watch this movie, and they’re mostly glossed-over in short exchanges of a few lines that end with the new recruit uttering “Okay, sure.” I need more than that to care about these guys when the bullets start flying.

Now, balancing this necessary proportion of character development between seven people in a 2-hour (+) movie is no easy task, but, as mentioned, there’s more than sufficient precedent showing it can be done!

(Spoilers ahead)

Of course, all seven guys don’t make it out alive. This type of story necessitates that they don’t. It’s a tale of self-sacrifice for an altruistic cause, or the ultimate test of one’s combative skills, however the individual character sees it. (The fact that we’re not sure which way most of them felt highlights the problem.)

In the original Seven, when the likes of Charles Bronson and James Coburn start getting picked off, I genuinely felt sad, because I’d learned enough about each of to have an emotional stake in their survival.

In this one, even the death of Ethan Hawke, the most fleshed-out among them other than Denzel, did nothing to me. So there was no chance of feeling anything when Vincent D’Onofrio, Chris Pratt, or Byung-hun Lee buy it.

(End of spoilers)

So, there you have it. Worth seeing? Sure. Will it meet the expectations of genre fans? No way. And with everything it had going for it, there’s no excuse for it not being an instant classic.